my poetry :O

 my poetry is here: lot of rough stuff be warned, also they're mostly first drafts >.<

everything frosts over

hands too

fingers shake and knuckles gesticulate

particular twitches come from Abilify

others from the creatures in my veins

hands

two

thats how many i have

one for the railing 

one for holding doors

my hair is good for two things

it keeps me warm and finds me a bed

put my swag on

i meticulously curate my appearance 

if i didnt they'd ghost me

cold snaps in ogden

id eat flesh for snowpants

not for me

id hand them out

i have a bush i like sleeping in anyways

shrooms w ricky after dark in the daytime

his eyes are wells i suck his soul from

angel eyes my fuel for pain tolerance

intensity is cheerios in a dog bowl and mauled necks

tell me about your lover

she seems like a chill hang

 Ernest Hemingway

I am

A monsoon of overly descriptive, flowery language

I’m not earnest

Fuck the Heming way

I am

The creator of my own reality

The main character in my own tv show that i'm directing

Everyone is a version of me

I maneuver my body mechanically and with precision

Actors are too expressive

Let me show you

The power of sight

I write my fives very strangely

Because I am

Penelope Scott mixed with a Gen Z femcel

I spent two years of my life theyfabmaxxing and got called tranny either way

I am

A clear fleshlight full of buzzwords

Haunting rage disguised as liking being bit

I ask every girl I talk to what her aura is 

Looking for green or purple

A lot of yellows lately

I am

A social media caricature of a witty person

According to brian p perkins on Instagram

And a real piece of shit

According to the manager of the Red Robin Inn in Vancouver

I am

So forgetful lately

I can’t remember what I’m talking about

That’s right

Banger tweet idea

she ernest my hemming till i way

Crucify me, I’ll return much stranger than before

My form is shifting all the time, sifting

Puss and peeling scabs and marks that denote she’s a whore

My form is near inhuman, its humanity is fizzling out

Bread and butter, fall in line, pops picks your haircuts

My skin is thin, you can see them crawling inside it

I can see myself degrading, god is rotting in my guts

The screaming is so deafening, its proof that I exist

You take everything so personally she says as she twists the knife

I let her put it in me and I thanked her with a kiss

I know that’s fucked, but hey, it’s romantic, right? 

Maybe the lacerations will seep out my sins in mist

She said she wants to cut away the parts that do not serve her goals

Carve them out and make them into something new, someone whole.

 I spread the gel on my inner thighs

Nasal rush of alcohol

How much does it hurt? More or less than smelling salts

A frigid bench where energy boosts come in huffs of ammonia

The same type of bench that slams gates harder if it senses queerness

You know what's queer?

Ball taps in showers and jerking off together

Waxing stick blades is more similar to taking estrogen than you’d think

A dark haired girl smoking on a bench all alone

The skin near her hospital bracelet has been scratched raw

And she can’t stop thinking about cannibalism

The neck is especially enticing

The neck of a bottle is especially enticing to grab and swing at everyone whispering

Which is every guest at thanksgiving dinner

If they invite me this year

A dead night, honda pilot beaming down a frozen street

A car follows close behind even after three turns

At the stop sign the passenger door opens

And they take me away

At least that’s what I think will happen

There’s a pile of old car parts in a pit near the train tracks

That and some foundation is all that’s left

Her grain elevator is long toppled

The whispering is quieting

Huffs of ammonia 

Like ignition or collapse

yellow heat

light under the door 

judgy bitch

tell me how to live my life

i am a functionless being

put here to do fucking nothing

when i leave my room it hurts

when i speak it hurts

formless creature

i am either you or my corpse is in your bathtub

where are you so that we can swap bodies

mine has character but lacks fuction

what about yours?

overdraft

i cant get out of overdraft

everything i do is a complex web of lies i cant comprehend

i am scared of myself

scared of what she is capable of

last night something chased me into my room and i dont know who to tell

both of my lovers have more to do

than overdraft emotional labour

or try to stitch my self inflicted wounds

I hunger

To eat once without feeling hunted

I am a starving creature

In my assigned seat at the dinner table

He’s at the head, of course

Dad

Feeding his family a manifesto on post birth abortion and damn immigrants

While his steak gets cold

I hunger

For a single conversation where I am not the expert

For breaking bread with someone who has no questions about identity

Or bathrooms

Or those damn transgenders invading women’s sports

Can I eat?

Or am I wrist deep in my own throat

Digging up bile and statistics on bone degradation

No animalistic posture to prove my point on pelvis rotation

I’d eat their skin from under my nails if I didn’t gnaw them down last night

Licking up blood is all I ate today

I hunger

For a meal that doesn’t dig its way out of me

Up where it came or cut out with a knife stolen from my girlfriend’s parents house

A meal that nourishes me without inflating my stomach

One that pulls me up from being hunched over a plate

Or a toilet seat

I hunger

For banger twitter posts and onslaughts of onlyfans subs

My stomach is empty, hollowed out

And waiting to be filled with shallow validation

From rotten men cursed by eternal shittyness

Porn brained losers corrupted by the manosphere

A visceral hatred of women born wallowing in high school rejection

Their nazi origin story

Your plate is empty

They say to me

Standing over the starving creature

It's only evidence of humanity is a matching tattoo of a starfish she got with her runaway lover

She knew it was bad for her hair and skin

To purge more than she peed

And to claw at dad

And to forget to bring moisturizer to the psych ward

But she didn’t care, Did she?

poem I wrote about someone from school :3

 bitch

my house is not close to your work

you are going out of your way

chasing up the ladder of polyamory

with just one ugly boyfriend on the roster

well not anymore

you ask me why everyone always leaves you

i dont mince words

i assemble them into instruments of destruction

a military targeting system that shoots missiles at bisexual women

i wrote a poem about u

i titled it bitch because thats what you are

suck down that lesbian culture at the club 

while you two step

gay nerd